


Inebriated Ghost, The Count, Mummy, and someone who forgot his costume

by Ihatewriting



Series: Who said what in that little town somewhere in Colorado? [3]
Category: South Park
Genre: Alcohol, Comedy, Complete, Dialogue-Only, M/M, Racist Language, Slurs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:41:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23470357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ihatewriting/pseuds/Ihatewriting
Summary: It's Halloween (A bit untimely, I admit)! Too old to trick or treat? What could be better than just four friends in a room with a bunch of liquor?Lots of liquor.
Relationships: Kyle Broflovski/Kenny McCormick, Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh, Stan Marsh/Kenny McCormick
Series: Who said what in that little town somewhere in Colorado? [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1688284
Kudos: 14





	Inebriated Ghost, The Count, Mummy, and someone who forgot his costume

**Author's Note:**

> There is only dialogues and no dialogue tags. I watched an episode of RLM Halloween special, and now I want to see the four boys legless drunk, in costumes because why not. The main focus is style, and other pairings are simply implied. The characters are presumed fifteen to sixteen years old. I tried to be as faithful to the characters as possible, but due to the ages increase and the fact that I am not T&M, some OOC should be expected. Contains strong profanity, abundance of alcohol and insensitive offensive jokes.

“I don’t think he likes me that way…”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm 'hmm hmm hmm' hmm hmm hmm hmm!” (He literally said “I love you” to you daily!)

“But I feel like he was just saying it in a best friend way, you know? Like I would say to my good friends that I love them. I love you in that way too.”

“Hmm, hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm.” (Aww, Stan you are fawning me.) 

“Oh god, don’t ever put on that face ever again.”

“Hmm, hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm?” (What, that is not cute enough for you?)

“It, is, horrific!”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm? Hmm hmm hmm hmm?” (You wouldn’t even consider it for a little bit? Just a little?)

“You have great confidence in your look, maybe too great in fact…”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm, hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm, hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm. Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm? Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm, hmm hmm?” (Hey out of the two people in this room, one of them had boned so many girls and boys he had lost count, and the other one is you. Don’t turn me down that callously would ya? I can take a one-night stand, you know?)

“I think I will pass on that and just accept the liquor you so generously brought.”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm, hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm…” (Oh what am I kidding, I probably need to dye my hair red before I can even have a chance…)

“Shh!”

“Hey what is up gaytards!”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm.” (The fat one is here.) 

“Stan, your house fucking blows.”

“You said that every time you came here!”

“Well, you probably should prepare some food in your house like a normal fucking person then, shouldn’t you?!”

“You took like three bags of chips last time you came!”

“Compensation.”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm?” (Where is your costume?)

“Hahahaha, Kenny your costume is shit! Wrapping some TP around yourself is not a costume!”

“Hmm hmm hmm, hmm hmm hmm.” (It’s mummy, you asshole.)

“See, I know you are poor, but I didn’t know you are also this stupid. My costume, are fucking great even though all it costed me was some bedsheet.”

“Hmm hmm hmm.” (Put it on.)

“Let’s see… here… here… put this on… tah dah!”

“Holy shit you look straight out of the KKK!”

“What? It’s a bedsheet ghost, you dumb fuck.”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm.” (Dude look at the mirror.)

“Huh… now you two mentioned it… it does look somewhat like the KKK… I love it!” 

“Oh come on! Have some class! And no! Not in my house!”

“Token is not here so who the fuck cares?”

“Someone cares! There is someone who cares a fuck lot, and sitting around with a racist fat ass dressing up as a Klan member is the last thing I want that person to see me doing… and he is walking through door right now.”

“Hi, Stan, sorry I was a bit late…”

“HAHAHAHA! Jew! You costume is gay beyond belief!”

“I guess you really are retarded. I am Count Dracula, the title character of the classic gothic novel… what the fuck are you wearing?”

“Hmm hmm hmm.” (Klan member.)

“That, and I was originally going for the bedsheet ghost.”

“Oh you racist fat piece of shit… take it off or I will rip you myself!”

“You want to fight Kyle? You want to fight me, Ghost of the Klan, Kyle? Your name starts with a K as well, Kyle! Come on then! Fight me, Kyle! Do your worst!”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm?” (He is super cute in that outfit isn’t he?)

“Shh!”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm, hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm… hmm hmm hmm. Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm.” (I mean the suit, the fang and the cloak and all… I am down. If you don’t hurry I might just go at him myself.)

“Dude shut the fuck up Kenny!”

“Take that shit off!”

“No I won’t, redheaded fuck! Try me!”

“Alright, alright, alright... Stop! Don’t fight in my goddamn room! Just settle down! Kenny got us good stuff.”

“Where is your costume?”

“I was gonna go with you dressing up as a count… but uh… you know… the mail didn’t come in… the delivery is too late…”

“You forgot to order, didn’t you?”

“Yes. Yes, I forgot to order.”

“I don’t even know what to say anymore…”

“Nothing! I am dressing up as myself! As Stan Marsh! How about that! I think I have a terrific costume, as I look just like Stan Marsh!”

“Haha… if you say so.”

“Is the motherfucker drunk?”

“Hmm! Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm! Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm!” (That! That is the good stuff I brought! Some very good stuff!)

“Is that a whole box of beer… Whisky? HOLY SHIT you got vodka?! Kenny where you got all these? You gave the homeless man another blowjob?”

“Hmm hmm hmm. Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm? Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm. Hmm hmm hmm.” (No fat ass. Who do you think I am? Giving homeless people blowjobs. I did hands.)

“Eww! Gross dude!”

“Hmm, hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm! Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm, hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm.” (Stan, you already drank like a whole bottle of beer which I brought! So even if it’s gross, you can’t say shit about it.)

“Stan you drank?”

“No… I mean, yeah, but just a bit, I promise it was just a bit.”

“You really should drink less, Stan.” 

“Come on, Kyle, it’s the weekend, and halloween! We can have some fun.”

“Hmm, hmm hmm hmm hmm.” (Here, take a bottle.) 

“Oh… I didn’t plan to drink tonight.”

“Of course the redhead cold-feeted! Shot glasses anyone? Anyone got shot glasses?”

“I got some! Here, here…”

“Stan why do you have shot glasses in your drawer!?”

“Uh… collection! I collect shot glasses you know?”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm? Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm. Hmm hmm, hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm?” (Don’t be a nag would ya? Gay little speeches not welcomed. Take this, just a bottle of beer won’t do shit to you alright?)

“It really wasn’t that bad, Kenny brought us this much stuff we can’t waste them?”

“I supposed it’s the weekend…”

“Oh shut the fuck up Jew! I am gonna drink myself into oblivion so I can see Hitler again… Vodka!”

“Hmm hmm. Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm.” (Right here. I brought oranges and lemons as well if you want.)

“That! Is genius!”

“Come Kyle, we can just drink beer if you want.”

“I was really planning to read some books tonight…”

“Dude! We don’t get the chance of hanging out often already! And you wanted to read books when all four of us are here?”

“I don’t see how that would stop me from reading books…”

“Cheers!”

“Hmm!” (Cheers!)

“Cheers you gaytards!”

“Cheers…”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“Ah!”

“HMM HMM!”(GODDAMN!)

“Gah fuck me mother!”

“Uh… the beer doesn’t taste great.”

“Hmm, hmm hmm hmm, hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm. Hmm, hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm, hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm!” (Well, hobo beer, what are you expecting. Stan, borrow me a shot glass, I am going Russian!)

“Vodka actually originated in Poland, not Russia…”

“Get me another shot as well! Hearing the fucking Jew spilling his shit makes my head hurt!”

“That might just be the alcohol… Stan! You are doing shots as well?”

“Huh? Oh, well you know, they are doing it… you know? It’s not like I really wanted to do shots, but you know, Kenny… Cartman…”

“Yeah yeah yeah, I got it… uh… the beer has a horrendous aftertaste…”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm, hmm hmm?” (My vodka is top notch, you know?)

“Oh the Jew is way too much of a pussy to do it… uh ah! That is nice!”

“Hmm hmm! Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm!” (Cartman! You didn’t cheer with me!)

“Oh fuck you all, I am feeling pump, and I am waiting for no motherfuckers!”

“Wait, pour me a shot as well, Kenny.”

“You… still… have some… right?”

“Hmm hmm? Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm? Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm, hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm, hmm hmm? Hmm hmm hmm hmm.” (Oh Kyle? Oh what are you asking? I am not too sure, maybe speak louder, would ya? My ears no good.)

“Just… get me some…”

“Is the Jew dropping already? What a wuss.”

“No! No! I am alright! Just a bottle of beer! I didn’t even finish all of it! It tasted bad!”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm? Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm?” (Well then what do you want? I don’t have shot glasses you know?)

“Stan… you have extra?”

“Oh you bet! You want lemon juice in your vodka?”

“Yeah… whatever, I am taking one shot and that is it!”

“Yeah yeah yeah… here is yours… hey! We all have a shot! Cheers!”

“Gay twats! Cheers!”

“Hmm!” (Cheers!)

“Cheers…”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“Uh ah! God the Vodka is strong!”

“Hmm hmm!” (Uh ah!)

“Damn Kenny, you poor as fuck but some nice stuff you got!”

“Uh… it tasted like gasoline…”

“Dude, your face is so red!”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm.” (Hot as a motherfucker.)

“I feel a bit giddy… not a lot… how do I look, Stan?”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm, hmmhmmhmmhmm…” (He might just force himself on you if you ask him anything again, hahahaha…)

“HA! What a bunch of fags!”

“What? What is Kenny saying…?”

“Nothing! He said nothing! Kenny! You are drunk!”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmmhmmhmmhmm! Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm, hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm!” (Not as drunk as you hahahaha! You look like a monkey’s butt, and Kyle has a face redder than his hair!)

“Huh… I didn’t know a shot of those is this strong… I am gonna read my book…”

“Oh shit! The Jew is at it now! The gay vampire is pulling out his fucking Bible!”

“Shut up… fat ass…”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm.” (Tell us about the book.)

“Oh… the book is about hacking… you know, teach you how to protect yourself from the hackers… and how to hack others…”

“Damn you, are, nerdy!”

“Say more… I want to listen…”

“Well, the book also talks a bit about cyber security… eh… The CIA is watching us, and they can turn on… ah… our camera and mic… without us even knowing. How terrifying.”

“Uh huh?”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm! Hmm hmm hmm hmm!” (Dude look at him! Stan looked bewitched!)

“Gay twat stays gay twat Kenny, just like you would stay poor.”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm…” (Why the fuck would I give your free drink I swear to god…)

“Because! Vodka! Cheers you poor fuck!”

“Come on, Kyle, continue. I want to listen.”

“You never interested in my books…”

“Yeah, but I am now.” 

“Stan you are acting weird…”

“What! I just want to listen to you talk!”

“Okay… okay… We have to protect ourselves from hackers, as they will… leak our personal informcion… inform…”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm!” (Dude you're slurring your words!)

“No! No I am not!”

“Oh shut up Kenny! I want to hear him talk!”

“Fags!”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm?” (How many shots did you take?)

“Not enough!”

“Read me books, Kyle.”

“Yeah, just wait...:”

“Dude you want to finish your beer?”

“Well what am I supposed to do Stan? Wasting it?”

“Would you just read me books then? Kyle?”

“Yes Stan, I would, but just… god! The beer tasted bad…”

“Would you read me books if you are that drunk? Kyle?”

“I am not drunk... I took like one shot, with a bottle of beer… how drunk can that be…” 

**_Hard cut to thirty minutes later._ **

“And then! They swiftly and… HAHAHAHAHA! Swiftly surrounded you… HAHAHA!”

“HMMHMMHMMHMMHMMHMM! Hmm! Hmm! Hmm!” (HAHAHAHAHA! Nightmare! Nightmare! Nightmare!)

“Dude! I never bullied retarded kids! I would never! I did no! Bully! Retarded kids! Stan! Prove me!”

“I don’t know Kyle! Cartman was kind of on track you know, hahaha! The fucking hospital is gonna open the door and bellow: Mr Broflovski, that fucking retard said you bullied him!”

“HAHAHAHAHAHA! Em, I am retarded, and the redheaded fuck, bullied me in the back street! HAHAHA!”

“I don’t bully kids! I do’t!”

“MR BROFLOVSKI! The fucking hosiptal is gonna come out with a megaphone… ahahaha! The fucking megaphone, I just imagine a nurse just come right outta the gate, with a fucking megaphone, in the middle of the street, said which one of you fucks bullied Billy right here! Hahaha!”

“What the fuck your even talking about now? You sonded insane!”

“You are slurring your speech Kyle! And you accused me of being drunk?”

“Hmm, hmm hmm hmm hmm, hmm hmm? Hmm hmm, hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm!” (Emmmm, what is an elephant, Ms Nurse? Also, that cunt right there bullied me!)

“HAHAHAHAHA! Kenny that is perfect! The fucking Jew right there bullied a retarded kid!”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm… hmmhmmhmm! Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm, hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm!” (He wrapped his arms around me and yelled Nightmare… hahaha! In his fucking Dracula costume, curing retardation one at a time!)

“I never bullied… anyone! In my lives! You are making this worst than it should be!”

“I am gonna read books of nerdy stuff, then bullied Billy next door… ahahahahaha!

“HMM HMM HMM HMM hmm hmm hmm?” (DUDE WHAT THE FUCK is Kyle doing?)

“Why is Kenny freaking out?”

“The Jew is pouring shots of Maker’s Mark?”

“Shut up fat ass! I am making this worse for myself…”

“Kyle you don’t have to do more shots you know?”

“I never bullied, uh ah…Stan! Wait give me a sec...”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm! Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm!” (Oh come on Kyle! Cheers with me before downing the whole shot!)

“Alright alright… don’t stress on me… let me just pour another…”

“Woah! Have you gone mad?”

“You drank a lot… lot more than me alright Stan? I am cheering with Kenny!”

“Hmm!”(Cheers!)

“Holy shit the jew is going all out… You know what! I am not letting this redhead beat me! Kenny! Shots!”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm…” (Why am I the one pouring…)

“Cause you are poor! Kenny!”

“Kyle… you look insane…”

“So are you Stan!”

“No! You! Look, stupid! Hahahaha!”

“Oh shut up Stan.”

“Do you bully kids Kyle?”

“Dude stop saying that!”

“Come on… Kyle… you bullied kids right?”

“Hahaha… and you say I look stupid… you are lying on my laps… with an empty… hahahahahahaha… empty vodka bottle in your arms… and I am the one that look stupid…”

“Well sorry then Kyle, I take back my words, could I? You don’t look stupid… you look cute…”

“Hahahaha… you truly had lost it…”

“No… I mean it… drunk or sober… you are hot… you know… hottest person in my eyes…”

“Ha! Fag!” 

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm…” (I don’t think he cares you calling him that at this point.)

“I told you all that they are fags did I?”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm…” (He is so hot when he is drunk…)

“Why do I hang out with a bunch of gay twats in the first place…”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm! Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm!” (As if you are not gay as fuck you fat ass! Just shut the fuck up and drink!)

“Oblige! Hey! You two homos laying there! Drink!”

“Fat ass you… is too loud… we will be drinking ourself… selves… into blackouts…”

“Fuck it then! Cheers!”

“Cheers!”

“Hmm!” (Cheers!)

“Cheers.”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“Ah! Fuck!”

“God! I feel like I can fight someone!”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm?” (While laying in Kyle’s laps?)

“I feel like we are all going insane…”  
  


**_Two hours later._ **

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm, hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm?” (Oh holy shit, I went to the restroom for a bit and you two already started to make out?)

“Shut up… Kenny… I am just… leaning on Stan’s shoulder… because… I want him playing songs…”

“Hmm hmm hmm! Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm!” (Come on then! Play your guitar then!)

“I don’t think I can play anything, properly at this point…” 

“Hmm! Hmm hmm hmm! Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm!” (Here! Your guitar! I haven’t heard you sing in years!)

“And tell… the fat ass… to stop… his fucking… munching sound…”

“Hey Cartman! Shut the fuck up! And get off my bed!”

“Fuck you too Stan!”

“Hmm hmm! Hmm!” (Come on! Play!)

“Stan… play me songs…”

“Hmm hmm? Hmm!” (Heard him? Play!)

“Uh… I don’t know what to play…”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm! Hmm hmm hmm!” (Oh what a wuss! Play something!)

“Okay… okay… Big E… small E… alright… just play whatever… uh…”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

_“When, When We Were Young_

_We Had No History_

_So Nothing To Lose_

_Meant We Could Choose_

_Choose What We Wanted Then_

_Without Any Fear_

_Or Thought Of Revenge_

_But Then You Grew Old_

_And I Lost My Ambition_

_So I Gained An Addiction_

_To Drink And Depression_

_They Are Mine_

_My Only True Friends_

_And I'll Keep Them With Me_

_Until The Very End…”_

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm.” (I think he had fallen asleep.)

“I hope he forgot all these… I don’t want him to know I play my guitar this shitty… and tell that fat ass to get off my bed would you?”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm.” (I think he passed out as well.)

“Uh… whatever… you interrupted me, Kenny… let me… finish the song…”

_“I'd Choose Not To Remember_

_But I Miss Your Arrogance_

_And I Need Your Intelligence_

_And Your Hate For Authority_

_But Now You're Gone_

_I Read It Today_

_They Found You In Spain_

_Face Down In The Street_

_With A Bottle In Your Hand_

_And A Wild Smile On Your Face_

_And A Knife In Your Back_

_You Died In A Foreign Land_

_And They Found My Letter_

_Rolled Up In Your Pocket_

_Where I Said I'd Kill Myself_

_If She Left Me Again”_

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm…” (Look at your giddy fucking face…)

“What?”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm?” (So fucking happy aren’t you?)

“What?!”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm? Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm.” (How adorable is he? Sleeping on your shoulder.)

“I love him, Kenny.”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm. Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm?” (Could only utter those words when you are drunk and he is asleep. Man up one time and just tell him outright would ya?)

“...”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm! Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm! Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm!” (How sad for me! My chances are flying away with the wind! I lost the chance for both of you!)

“You got a whole town full of people to fuck…”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm.” (But you are good looking.)

“Hehe… just don’t talk, Kenny.”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm.” (Oh the joyous drunkard.)

_“So Now She's Gone_

_And You're Both In My Mind_

_I've Got One Thing To Say_

_Before I Am Drunk Again:_

_God Damn The Sun_

_God Damn The Sun_

_God Damn Anyone_

_That Says A Kind Word_

_God Damn The Sun_

_God Damn The Sun_

_God Damn The Light It Shines_

_And This World It Shows_

_God Damn The Sun”_

**Author's Note:**

> Song is by Swans, named "God damn the sun":.  
> I actually like this scene very much. I might actually rewrite it into an actual short story, so if any of you are interested, stay tune.


End file.
